Fatherhood: Thank Goodness For Parental Leave Benefit

If I knew one thing about becoming a parent, it was that I knew absolutely nothing at all.

There are so many resources available to read with topics like “What To Expect When You’re Expecting” or “Dude, You’re Gonna Be A Dad!” But, after browsing through these materials, I quickly decided that they weren’t for me, and I’d rely on advice from our medical professionals and what could be considered “intuition.”

I was definitely scared, apprehensive, anxious … everything. I had no idea what to expect. Everyone’s experience is different and there’s no two that are the same. There was so much that was unknown, including the gender of our baby. In hindsight, we clearly kept everything a surprise as a measure to reduce stress. When I think about that now, I realized the “ignorance is bliss” approach might have been key for our experience as new parents so that we could take each part of the adventure as a learning opportunity that was new to both of us instead of going into it assuming we knew ANYTHING about what the outcome would be.

Thank goodness for the parental leave that our company has for new dads to take. I can’t imagine having to go through the experience of being in the hospital for 2 days waiting, having the baby arrive Friday evening, waiting another 2 days to go home and then turning around and going back to work on that following Monday. Not to mention hardly any rest and not even remembering what I’d eaten. The 15 workdays allotted for new dads to take was a lifesaver. Originally, based on the experience of some other team members, I thought I might split up the time to take it in stages, but ultimately decided to take it all at once. In hindsight, I feel this was the right decision for me to take in order to be fully committed and present at home without worrying about a rapidly approaching return-to-work date.

Another thing I noticed during this time was that I would have a thought about something that I need to do, a person to call or an item on the to-do list and I would quickly realize that days would pass in between. Time did move rapidly because there was so much attention required for the new baby. Days and weeks would fly by like it was nothing.

We came home on a Sunday, and someone asked if I would be returning to work on Monday. I remember thinking what an absurd question that was. How could I possibly leave my wife at home with our new baby (and dog) all by herself and go back to work? How would I actually be able to focus on anything on such a small amount of sleep and then constantly be checking in for updates?

Luckily, the thought never occurred to me. It was a stressor that was eliminated by the safe haven of having the ability to spend those special first weeks at home, reducing the burden on my wife and helping out with essentially everything around the house while my wife spent all of her time nursing and caring for our newborn.

Jimmy Fallon’s book “Everything Is Mama” rings true because everything is focused around the mom and the baby, but there’s so much else. How does mom eat? Who helps her with chores? Who takes the baby from her when she needs a minute to shower, use the restroom or just get some fresh air? How would that be handled if nobody else was home?

Frances was born November 30, and I remember driving her home in snow. Then it kept snowing. And then it snowed some more. It was wintertime, and we were confined to the indoors. No walks outside or open windows, cold and flu season was at its peak, and eventually, we would be butting up against a measles outbreak near where we lived. We had a lot of thinking and preplanning to do, and had I not been home, what could have happened? Winter is depressing enough already sometimes, then we have the possibility of postpartum depression. The thought of leaving home and having to return to work was frightening. But, I received a great piece of advice from another team member before Frances arrived: Take full advantage of the leave available. So, I did.

Everyone at the office helped pitch in to cover for me while I was out. I had worked to put a plan in place for when I would leave and met with the relevant folks that would be assisting, but then the day came sooner than expected and everyone was thrown into the mix. Thank goodness for my team and peers that stepped up to cover while I was gone. This is an environment where team members are supported in taking time with their families, to grow them and care for them and to help share the load when others can’t. I am grateful for the time I was able to spend at home, learning every day about how to care for a baby and also learning a lot about myself as a parent.

I was nervous to return to work to leave my wife home alone with the baby, but I was able to quickly adjust back to work life and did my best to strike a balance to be as focused at work as I possibly could and maximize my time there, so that when I left I could be present at home and enjoy the moments I had with our new baby.

Now that Frances is approaching 18 months old, life is very different. We’re playing and singing “Baby Shark” constantly. We act like fools to entertain our baby. She’s learning new words and activities every day, and we have tremendous support from our families and Frances gets to spend time with both sets of her grandparents. She smiles and everything feels right. I think we’re doing a good job, and it all came from “on-the-job” training. Between acknowledging that we knew absolutely nothing about being parents, having a great support system and the time we were able to spend at home during her first few months of life, I look back fondly on the opportunities we’ve had to grow our family and how different everything is now – it’s been a nonstop adventure!

Parental leave was very helpful in balancing commitment to my family and my career. This benefit and so many more are offered to team members in the Rocket Companies^®.