National Coming Out Day

National Coming Out Day is a special day observed annually to acknowledge, celebrate and raise more awareness of the LGBTQ+ community. This is an especially complex topic because it not only is meant to celebrate openly LGBTQ+, but also to encourage those who live their lives more privately to have a haven to celebrate their authentic self without any judgement.

We have come a long way as a community and country since before and during the civil rights movement, where LGBTQ+ people were silenced by physical, emotional and mental distress (i.e. parents sending their kids to gay conversion camps, the very damaging “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” ban in the service community, gay people not being able to openly show affection to their partners in public, etc.), however we are still currently being bludgeoned with potentially harmful laws that could discourage people to remain in the closet.

I say all of this because “Coming Out” can be defined in several colorful ways. Everyone’s coming out story is vast and different based on what other marginalized communities they may belong to including their physical location. There are still areas across the country that won’t acknowledge the term “gay” or kids who have same sex parents. We still have a long way to go, but I’m confident we will get there.

My personal story is very unique. I never felt the need to “come out” to my family and friends because there’s no rule or standard for cisgendered people to come out as straight or heterosexual. However, for many years, having mostly heterosexual friends, I didn’t feel safe or comfortable sharing my love life due to potential judgements.

Reflecting back, it wasn’t more so my friends who didn’t make me feel safe, it was primarily society and the norms we’ve all been accustomed to. I remember vividly when I was in a committed and loving relationship and every time my best friend would ask me who I was dating or why I’m still single, I would always pretend to still be searching for the right person or try to deflect and change subjects quickly. I would feel utterly sick to my stomach right afterward because not only was I lying to someone that truly cared for my well-being but having to hold that in was devastating.

I finally found the courage to bring it up to her in another conversation and informed her that I in fact was in a loving relationship and would love for her to meet them at some point. Not only was this feeling one of the most freeing moments of my life so far, she also was elated which made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

After sharing another side of me to one of my closest friends, it became a lot easier to be more comfortable telling my close friends and family and the response has been an overwhelmingly positive one. All it takes is that one person who you truly feel comfortable with to begin the second part of your life, living authentically and happy.

As I said, National Coming Out Day can mean an array of things to different people and how it’s defined or celebrated is totally up to you. We always want to celebrate and uplift the openly LGBTQ+ community, but also encourage others who may still not be ready to disclose all parts of themselves and if they never are ready, that’s fine too. That’s what makes us who we are, an imperfect bright and colorful rainbow.