My Mental Health Journey

It was the eve of my 25^th birthday: I had a glass of red wine in hand, was singing along to some Drake and cooking some delicious spaghetti turkey marinara. That’s when it started. Suddenly, I began to feel my heart race. Ignorantly, I disregarded my body and continued on with my dinner.

A few minutes went by. My heart kept racing. My lungs felt heavy. My mind was accelerating. Trying to assess the situation, I thought to myself, “I’m home, I’m cooking my favorite meal, Drizzy is playing in the back and I have a glass of wine. Why do I feel so scared? Why do I feel like something horrible is about to happen? Am I going to die?”

If you’ve ever experienced a panic or anxiety attack, you know that logic isn’t often your friend. You can be having an ideal night – like I was while making dinner – and the bubbling uneasiness can slowly take over your mind and body, defying any ounce of logic. My internal monologue continued until I couldn’t fight it anymore. The wheels had been set in motion - I was experiencing my first panic attack.

I don’t remember everything that happened after that moment but I called my girlfriend, now wife, to feel a sense of safety. Unbeknownst to me, she had experienced panic attacks and anxiety herself.

She walked me through the tools at her disposal. After about 20 minutes, my body was physically back to equilibrium, but I couldn’t shake what I now call a “panic attack hangover.” I was irritable, exhausted, scared and anxious for the rest of the night.

I spent the next few weeks researching what happened to me, why it happened and how to never feel like that ever again. Two solutions kept coming up in my research: meditation and therapy.

I downloaded every meditation app I could find in the app store and eventually subscribed to Headspace. My wife bought me a book called “10% Happier” by Dan Harris. I began to meditate every day at lunch for 10 minutes and engrossed myself into Dan Harris’s book. Meditation was a challenge in and of itself, but I knew I had to start my journey somewhere. 

As I read through Dan’s book, I knew meditation was one tool I wanted to make part of my identity. The idea of therapy, however, was scarier. My ability to deal with panic attacks strengthened but the frequency of my anxiety had increased.

I knew this wasn’t something I could wish away. Whatever was happening to me was going to take discipline and work.

Finding a therapist wasn’t as accessible then as it can be now. Previously, you had to log in to your healthcare provider, figure out if they provided you coverage, and then find a therapist that took that specific insurance.

Luckily, I discovered a tool called ZocDoc. ZocDoc allows you to search, read reviews, input insurance plans and schedule appointments all at once. I still use it to find and discover new healthcare providers.

I had my first therapy session in November 2017 and I‘ve never looked back. At first, I was nervous about sitting alone in a room with a total stranger who knew nothing about my culture, my upbringing or why I was there in the first place.

But, I took a leap of faith and gave myself and the therapist the grace we both deserved. It was a life-changing experience. I was able to talk to someone who gave me insight and tools without interruption or judgment.

I continued to visit the same therapist for six months. I initially went every two weeks and then monthly when I felt I understood myself and had incorporated additional tools into my routine (journaling, breathwork, meditation, reading and some bubble baths).

After six months, I had a new relationship of non-judgment, compassion and grace with myself. I stopped going to therapy for about a year and continued to learn and do the hard work on my own.

The last two years have been hard. I was laid off March 2020 as the pandemic took over which led me to question myself and my career choices. I had to sit with those thoughts and feelings until November 2020 when I accepted an offer to join Rocket Central.

Throughout 2021, my wife and I took advantage of the counseling provided by our Employee Assistance Program (EAP) . We consider ourselves very lucky to have that as a resource, but also thought there could be improvements to streamline the process and make it easier for team members to find their own diverse set of therapists local to them.

Near the end of 2021, Mike Malloy – the company’s Chief Amazement Officer – shared that Rocket Companies would be moving to a brand-new platform. I immediately began researching the platform and reading what benefits we’d receive. Full-time benefit-eligible team members and each of their dependents would have access to all the following: 

• 12 free therapy sessions annually, fully covered by the company. Plus, 2 of the 12 covered sessions may be used for medication management.
• Access to psychiatry for medication management support.
• Unlimited access to a dedicated care navigator to support you with your personalized treatment plan.
• Convenient times for therapy appointments with a diverse network of providers. The diverse provider network — representing 15 racial backgrounds, 13 languages and 37% LGBTQ+ specializations — is critical for inclusive care.
• Average time to your first appointment is only 2 days.
• On-demand mental health exercises
• Work-life resources including family, legal and financial.
• 24/7 access to crisis support.

As soon as January 2022 rolled around, I made sure we signed up. We researched the diverse network of providers and set up therapy appointments. We’ve both had three therapy appointments thus far and it’s been a great experience. We’re healing and continuing to grow both as individuals and as a couple. The platform is easy to navigate, the app has various wellness exercises and we’re able to use the money saved toward our wedding that’s in June. 

One common barrier to the accessibility of mental health wellness is cost. The average cost for a therapist in the United States ranges from $100 – $200 per hour, per session, according to Forbes. That total cost ranges anywhere from $2400 –$4800 annually for the two of us. Through this new benefit from Rocket, we don’t have to worry about the extra cost for maintaining our mental wellness.

I share all of this in the hope that you’ll see:

• No matter who you are, where you’re from or how well you think you’re doing, there are always opportunities to learn more about yourself and be better.
• Everyone’s mental health journey is different. The hard days will always come and go. But it’s liberating (both financially and personally) to be able to act and have the privilege to prepare for when life gets overwhelming.

It feels like you’re getting a raise when your company provides a benefit that saves you so much money on a vital service.